Morris Buttermaker: [watching girls play softball] You know, in my life I thought I'd never say, "Look at the ass on that second baseman." But look at the ass on that second baseman. Morris Buttermaker: Well, one thing is for damn sure, you got a shit load of rats down there. Matthew Hooper: Mother says I have cancer of the eye.

Morris Buttermaker: [convincing the kids to wear their protective cups] If you get hurt, they can sue my ass so hard, they'll start garnishing my turds. Morris Buttermaker: Well, they both built pyramids. [after having the kids use cans of pesticide that had a warning against carcinogen] Morris Buttermaker: Hey, Hooper, what are you doing with that patch on your eye? Morris Buttermaker: Hey, Hooper, you wanna put that thing in fourth gear and get over here already?

The cruddy water ain't coming out of the cruddy faucets!

baseball dating sayings-53baseball dating sayings-65baseball dating sayings-8

I think a lot of it has to do with getting older and... Liz Whitewood: I was thinking more along the lines of the dangerous type. Woman: Sorry the stuff's so ratty, but this is a six-team league, and I'm afraid your boys are getting the [looking at Toby] Woman: S-H-l-T end of the stick. [after the Bears lose 18-0] Coach Morris Buttermaker: Come on, fellas. Engelberg: Tanner got into a fight [because of the first game loss] Coach Morris Buttermaker: Who with? The catcher is supposed to pick up the bunt and throw it to first base. Coach Morris Buttermaker: [yelling to Bears fielders] The cool Carl Paranski shift! Engelberg: [Takes half-empty pint of whiskey from Buttermaker's glove box and holds it up] You're not supposed to have open liquor in the car. Coach Morris Buttermaker: Now, guys, somebody's gonna pay for this windshield. Ahmad Abdul Rahim: You guys talking about Kelly Leak?

Morris Buttermaker: Listen, kid, you don't want to go to Salt Lake, trust me. Garo Daragebrigadian: Armenian Morris Buttermaker: Yeah, right. Coach Morris Buttermaker: Well, your mother and I didn't got along too well, Amanda. Engelberg: You're not supposed to have open liquor in the car. Coach Morris Buttermaker: [looks at Tanner's black eye] What the hell happened to you, Tanner? Coach Morris Buttermaker: [trying to console Ahmad after his errors in the first loss] There was nothing easy about those fly balls, Ahmad. [Buttermaker bunts in front of the plate] Coach Morris Buttermaker: Engleberg? Coach Morris Buttermaker: That is a bunt - B-U-N-T. Announcer: [announcing Mets batter] Carl Paranski, Number 6... Now put it back before you get me into real trouble. Toby Whitewood: Of course he's got a great arm, Buttermaker. But you don't understand, that's Kelly Leak.

[after her daughter tells him she's going "out" with a boy] Morris Buttermaker: You're 12.

Morris Buttermaker: I've been disappointed before. Morris Buttermaker: Ain't no doubt about it lady. [Morris Buttermaker steps out of Liz Whitewood's bedroom in the morning] Toby Whitewood: Mr.

[to his team after losing the first game of the season] Morris Buttermaker: You guys look like the last shit I took. Morris Buttermaker: Now, my old coach used to say a tie is like kissing your sister, but the way we've been playing, it's more like kissing a really hot stepsister. Morris Buttermaker: You're not supposed to be talking about my...

Amanda Whurlitzer: Man, you must have a big one because I don't know what else my mom saw in you.

It was said that you would destroy the Sith, not join them.

Obi-Wan (Revenge of the Sith): You were the chosen one!

Morris Buttermaker: [reading names off roster] Daragebrigadian? Morris Buttermaker: Okay, Engelberg, this is a screwball. You gotta stand in there because it looks like it's gonna hit you, but it drops off the table.