YMMV, it doesn't sound like your daughter is heavy into rebellion, but you don't want to get into the whole forbidding/I can do whatever I want! That usually creates a motivation for the child to act just to make a point to the parents.Also, try to validate her feelings on this - I suspect she finds his "maturity" attractive, let her know that you understand that and admire that she values maturity. I think it would be important to express that you feel finishing school and focusing on college should be a priority.

Then ask her if she thinks a 25 year old guy who dates a 17 year old is actually expressing maturity? You expect her to have relationships, that's normal.

But you're worried that, because of where he is in life, it will distract her from her goals. It's unlikely you'll convince her to dump him, but if you can express your concerns thoughtfully, you may plant enough seeds with her. On the plus side, the Guy has been in contact, so he's not just some shady stranger, and now that this is out in the open you can at least try to set some rules.

(Were going to talk more specifically later tonight) I know she lied about dating because we would not have approved, and that is true.

So there will definitely be consequences for that, but as for the rest, I am at a loss. But knowing her, I can understand what an older person would like about her. And Guy has called apologizing about lying and they both have said he wanted to tell us, but she didnt. I spent a lot of time today talking him out of finding the Guy and doing bodily harm to him.

You want to make sure it's easy for her to brake up with him later.

Making this into too big of a deal will make that harder, because then breaking up will seem like a big dramatic thing that she doesn't want to go through.

Keeping your relationship with her as good as you can is about the best you can do.

And you might also ask her how she would feel about a male (or female, I guess) friend her own age dating a 12- or 13-year old (not the same difference in years, but IMHO you change just as much in those years as you do in your late teens and your twenties).

So the last few weeks, I notice her texting and talking on the phone to Guy more and more. She and I have discussed sex, safe sex, responsibility and consequences on numerous occasions, and she has confided in me about some of her friends activities; some that she disagrees with.