Dating my daughters friend mother
The scapegoat has no needs and instead gets to do the caring. That division will be fostered by the narcissist with lies and with blatantly unfair and favoritizing behavior.The golden child will defend the mother and indirectly perpetuate the abuse by finding reasons to blame the scapegoat for the mother's actions.
She always seems to have such a hard time, but I just don't know what I can do for her! Your property is given away without your consent, sometimes in front of you.
") As a consequence the children of narcissists universally report that no one believes them ("I have to tell you that she always talks about YOU in the most caring way! Unfortunately therapists, given the deniable actions of the narcissist and eager to defend a fellow parent, will often jump to the narcissist's defense as well, reinforcing your sense of isolation and helplessness ("I'm sure she didn't mean it like that! Your food is eaten off your plate or given to others off your plate.
The golden child may also directly take on the narcissistic mother's tasks by physically abusing the scapegoat so the narcissistic mother doesn't have to do that herself.
Your accomplishments are acknowledged only to the extent that she can take credit for them.
She does things against your expressed wishes frequently.
All of this is done without seeming embarrassment or thought.
Any attempt at autonomy on your part is strongly resisted.
Normal rites of passage (learning to shave, wearing makeup, dating) are grudgingly allowed only if you insist, and you're punished for your insistence ("Since you're old enough to date, I think you're old enough to pay for your own clothes!
She asks nosy questions, snoops into your email/letters/diary/ conversations.
She will want to dig into your feelings, particularly painful ones and is always looking for negative information on you which can be used against you.
The times and locations of her worst abuses are carefully chosen so that no one who might intervenewill hear or see her bad behavior, and she will seem like a completely different person in public.