Have I become dishonest yet by not working in a declaration of my sexual orientation into the conversation? Though I identify as bi (or queer if I’m talking to someone more familiar with the nitty gritty of current terminology), I know several men with sexual experiences similar to mine and your other reader who, looking at the sum of their sexual and romantic life, are quite comfortable identifying as straight.

(What I haven’t ever encountered was a guy claiming to be bi, but apparently exclusively interested in men.) “Bisexual,” like most labels for human experience, is subject to interpretation.

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Though I haven’t a romantic relationship with a man, I wouldn’t rule it out.

Unlike your reader, I identify as bisexual to friends, family, and partners.

To gays, bisexuality is a threat to the absolutely-true-for-gays “born this way” argument which has been so successful in leveraging moves toward equality.

If there are really many bisexuals out there, many people who are born with a choice and ability to be with either sex, there’s a worry that the forces of oppression will use bisexuals’ ability to choose to cudgel gays and lesbians back into “choosing” to be straight.

I also knew TONS of women in college who drunkenly messed around with their friends sometimes, and are now married to guys. Or is it more likely that any set of letters and specific categories cannot describe the fluidity of a human’s sexuality over time? Rather, the emotional aspects of a relationship and the cuddling, holding, spooning aspect of physically intimacy with a partner are as important, if not more so.

Couple that with the fact that the distance between a friendly hug and a sexual hug is not far, and the former can easily become the later.

Thanks for pointing out that LGBT as an acronym refers to so much that it refers to nothing. And nobody in my life, not my family or closest friends, knows that about me. At least, not in the way a gay kid in Arkansas with an abusive, redneck father is “closeted”.

And I totally do think that there are a large number of “closeted bisexuals” out there, if you define “bisexuality” as anyone who has had a same-sex experience and enjoyed it. I date women, and am romantically interested only in women. But sometimes I do see a guy and think he’d be fun to share a girl with, and sometimes in the heat of an encounter like that, I want to play with him directly as well. My family consists of hippie liberals from the Pacific Northwest.

They’d probably be thrilled that I was so open and free, especially since I’m probably still going to marry a girl someday. I just want to do what I want to do and not get any shit about it, which is 100% possible if I just keep it to myself. The only thing that surprised me about your reader’s letter (though it shouldn’t have) was that it came from a man.

I don’t tell anyone because whom I fuck and how is my own business and nobody else’s. I get the sense that there are TONS of people out there like me. I have always believed, and almost all of my female friends agree, that women are, by their very nature, “bisexual” (unless they are gay), and that it is the rare woman who is 100% heterosexual.

To a large extent, I believe that the only reason that most women do not acknowledge their attractions to their girl friends or act on them is that it would be inconsistent with perceived notions of who we should and should not be attracted to, and a pervasive skepticism at the notion that someone can truly be sexually attracted to members of both genders.