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These combined stages generally take an average of three years, though for some people the period is shorter, while for others, it is longer.The stages may occur in a specific order, though they may also blend and overlap. The person who wants the divorce is called the “initiator” spouse, while the person who is not requesting the divorce (and usually does not want the divorce) is called the “non-initiator” spouse.The non-initiator feels as though s/he has no control concerning the decision to divorce, and as a result, experiences a helplessness and a lack of control.
This individual begins the first stage after hearing of the divorce or after the couple has physically separated.
This difference in the beginning of the transition causes a difference in the length of time it takes each person to complete the five stages, and this difference is a major reason why spouses are at different stages as they progress through the divorce process.
Men and women are too deeply immersed in their own feelings to attend well to the needs of their children. The primary focus is acknowledging the end of the relationship. Each of us builds our identity through the roles in our life.
Mediation Benefits During Stage One Mediation allows each individual to take some degree of control over their lives. Defuses a fear of the separation/divorce process, 3. Anyone who has witnessed someone in this stage is struck by the profound grieving. We each have several roles in our life, which bear varying degrees of importance to us.
Marriages are very difficult to end and everyone goes through a period of emotional transition, which can be described as a series of stages.
Over the years, my work with separating and divorcing couples has shown five distinct emotional stages that comprise the divorce transition.
A period of disbelief follows, accompanied with a denial of the reality of separation or divorce.
Indeed, that person may become “divorce opposed,” spending all of his or her energy resisting the divorce.
A second characteristic is an intense preoccupation with his or her own feelings.
The individual needs emotional support, yet is ambivalent about the kind of support they want. During Stage Two, the positive feelings toward the spouse surface and serve to establish a necessary foundation for people to work out what is best for each of them.
For example, Tom knew that if he continued his affair with Susan, his wife Barbara would end their marriage.