I’m both enormously sick and hard at work trying to pull myself out of the huge pile of work I’m buried in, so here are some thoughts I’ve picked up on dating and smashing Filipino girls for the past month. Yes, in a good number of cases, all you need to do is show up and not be a weirdo to get the pussy.

But Filipinas are far from stupid; they’re cunning and have their own share of stupid head games they play.

For every girl who tries to force you into her frame or extort money out of you, there are three more who will treat you like a king.

There’s no reason to put up with shit from one girl where there are so many more willing to sleep with you.

In a country where English is so widely used and learning it is mandatory, what does that say about girls who can barely write in it? I made the mistake of trying to date one girl who could only send illiterate one-syllable word texts, and most of our “date” consisted of me pantomiming with my arms hoping and praying something would penetrate her thick skull.

She was pretty cute, but the language barrier was simply too big to cross.

English is one of the official languages of the Philippines, learning it is mandatory in schools, and the government favors it when it comes to written documentation.

While few Filipinos are 100 percent fluent in English, you can hold conversations with them easily provided you tone down your use of slang and ten-dollar words.

This is probably less true in the more liberal parts of the country, though.

Keep in mind that these are my , my 102-page book that teaches you how to sleep with Filipino women during a visit to the Philippines.

(I also later found out that she had hid the fact that she was a single mother from me.) This game is probably the most insidious as the girl doesn’t start fucking with you until just before your date, but there are plenty of others you need to look out for as well.

For example, if a Filipina starts whining at etc.), next her.

This goes back to what I discussed in point one: given that most Filipinas speak passable English, why waste your time on one who can barely grunt out Filipino culture isn’t exactly intellectual to begin with; at times, it feels like this place got frozen in time somewhere around 1987.