Eventually, your Platonic buddy drifted away, as your relationship with the boyfriend got more serious and spending time with this other guy was, admittedly, a little weird, if you werent dating him.More time passed, and the boyfriend eventually cheated on you, or became boring, or you realized that the things that attracted you to him weren’t the kinds of things that make for a good, long-term relationship. You used him for emotional intimacy without reciprocating, in kind, with physical intimacy.

In the words of Benjamin Franklin [Tact and Tactfulness]: A spoonful of honey will catch more flies than a gallon of vinegar.

I always appreciate it when a topic for an article happens to fall into my lap.

Whiskey all the while cursing my laptop for betraying me by not magically producing the pages that the DMT elves promised me.

In this case, the kernel of an article came to me via Twitter as one of my readers linked me to a post on Tumblr with a rant and blistering response between a “Nice Guy” and one of the many women who bought into the “Nice Guy” schtick.

He goes out of his way to do nice things for his “friend”, earns her trust and her confidence, provides a shoulder to cry on and an ear to listen with… which is all well and good if he were being a genuine friend to her. All of this attention is done, with the desire to support his friend but to ingratiate her to him.

He’s engaging in what is, for all intents and purposes, a transactional relationship or a particularly grind-y MMO quest line.

I am bringing them up to highlight that our culture has a huge misconception of what is actually desirable.

Before certain members of the audience accuse me of being a “misogynist” or “degrading to women”… I am not advocating some old-fashioned viewpoint that women should be nice, quiet, agreeable creatures who exist solely to please their husband.

The inevitable end result of the “Nice Guy”‘s relationship with his supposed friend is tragedy – at least as far as the Nice Guy is concerned.