But an offer to chat or of an email address right off the bat is a sure turn off.

One of the things online dating has going for it is its relative anonymity, and if you start chipping away at that too early, you’ll scare the other person off. ) that are all clearly referencing something important to the sender, the recipient, or, ideally, both.

Ok Cupid has records from the pre-smartphone, pre-Twitter, pre-Instagram days — hell, it was online when Myspace was still a file storage service.

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Besides, when you tell a woman she’s beautiful, chances are you’re not.

On the other hand, more general compliments seem to work well: The word is a perfect case study for our point.

So if you can’t bring yourself to deny the deity, consider opening yourself up to a whole wacky bunch of them.

But ideally you should just disbelieve the whole thing.

Even more effective are phrases that engage the reader’s own interests, or show you’ve read their profile: , no doubt because of its adverbial meaning of “to a fair degree; moderately” also helps male messages.

A lot of real-world dating advice tells men to be more confident, but apparently hemming and hawing a little works well online.

The best messages, the ones that get the highest response rate, are now only 40 to 60 characters By considering only messages of a certain length, and then asking how many seconds the message took to compose, we can get a sense of how much revision and effort translates into better results.

Below are messages between 150 and 300 characters, plotted against how long they took to write.

Talking about specific things that interest you or that you might have in common with someone is a time-honored way to make a connection, and we have proof here that it works.