Derek brings his perspectives as a San Francisco-based registered nurse specializing in HIV and an outspoken past Pr EP user with HIV-positive and HIV-negative sex partners.

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So, if their first response is frosty, then that person probably isn’t open to being with an HIV-positive guy.

What if you tell someone you’re HIV positive and undetectable and he asks, “What does that mean?

It becomes basically like saying, “You know, I’m just not into hairy guys.” You’re putting the rejection in their court, which is advice I tell a lot of guys who are newly positive. I think if you go on two dates with someone and you develop a rapport, and then you have to bring up this kind of clinical discussion, it brings a tone of seriousness that often the relationship isn’t ready for. But the more you’re comfortable with it yourself and the more you accept what’s going on with you, the more you allow other people to accept it, too.

It is easier to just say, “Are you cool with protected sex with HIV-positive guys? And I would also say the initial signs and responses they give you are 90% indicative of how they will behave and what they will do with you.

But for the most part, guys are thankful that I ask these questions. Also, I always stay away from language like “clean and negative,” or “clean and healthy,” or “disease free.” All those labels are really biased, and they can be hurtful to people who are positive.

Zachary: Well, I feel like the situation is a little bit different if you’re the positive person.

” I think a nice thing to do, from a positive person’s standpoint—or someone in Derek’s position—is to offer a bit of gentle education.

You know, people don’t want to go around on Grindr giving sermons, but I think it’s nice to help the conversation along and move community knowledge forward.

If you get bareback topped by a guy with an undetectable viral load, and you let him unload in you, that’s pretty safe (in terms of HIV) if you’re on Pr EP and/or you use condoms.